Life

My youngest daughter turned four years old yesterday.;') I still cannot believe it has been four years since she came into my life. It seems like just yesterday I was pregnant with her.;')

When I was growing up I never truly understood what my parents meant when they would say, "time flies." I guess as a kid time seems to stand still. I remember it felt like FOREVER for big events like my birthday or Christmas to come. My mom and dad would always tell us that time was flying, but for me it just didn't seem like it at the time..

I think I felt that way until I finished with school..Then time started to speed up, lol! I had no idea then what things were in store in my future. I was married at the ripe age of 19, finished college when I was 22, and had my first child at the age of 23. I am now 30 and I have 3 beautiful children..It seems like just yesterday I myself was the age of my oldest daughter. I have vivid memories of when I was 6yrs old..Where does the time go??

I can now say that I truly understand what my mom and dad used to say when they would tell me "time flies." Now, I am on the opposite end of the spectrum.. I want time to slow down, I want it to seem like FOREVER for each birthday to come around and for each Christmas to pass. However, that cannot happen. ;') I guess it is true what is said, "cherish each moment that you have..." I am SO grateful for everyday that God blesses me with. Everyday that I have with my family is a gift.:) I am sad to say this, but I kinda lost site of this yesterday..I was having a rough day with all of the kiddos and I lost my cool with my girls. In retrospect what I freaked out about was really not that big a deal..I got so mad that I took away some of the toys Santa left them.:( Not one of my finer mommy moments,LOL! After I gave myself a "timeout", I felt REALLY bad..However, I couldn't just reverse what punishment I had enforced..There was some justification for what I did..I think I went a bit overboard though..I told my girls that in addition to taking away their toys, I would also cancel the birthday festivities planned for both of them..My oldest daughter's birthday isn't until May...Okay, okay..I know, I am awful!!:( I am happy to say that I gave the girls a "second" chance to redeem themselves and we did end up celebrating..:) Now, the question is, How do I return those beloved toys and not diminish my authority..:/ AHH, the challenges of being an imperfect mother, lol!

Dear God, please forgive me for failing you yesterday..I am so sorry for the way I acted. I truly NEED you in EVERY aspect of my life..Thank You for the reminder yesterday.:) Without you I am a horrible failure! Thank you for your unending love, grace, and mercy that is renewed everyday!!

So, yesterday my sweet little girl turned 4 yrs old!!! Happy Birthday sweetheart!! I know it may not seem like it now, but time really does fly!! Also, mommy thanks you for your forgiving nature..mommy loves you!!!

Another Christmas passes!

Well, once more another Christmas flies by! It seems like there is so much build up leading to Christmas and then in the blink of an eye it is over.. I must say that this year was a little more stressful to me than in years passed. I really wanted to make this year special to my little ones. :) I LOVE the magic of Christmas and Santa! This year mommy went to extra lengths to make Santa "real" for the kiddos. I must say, it was SO MUCH fun to see the excitement in my girls' eyes! We had an elf visit us to make sure each day that the kids were behaving, Santa sent each child a "nice list" certificate, and Santa even kept in touch via texting! ;)

On Christmas eve my husband and I also kept an eye on Santa's location! Let me tell you, I have NEVER had such and EASY time getting my kids to go to bed. My oldest was asking me when it would be time to go to sleep at 6:30pm!! After they finally got tucked in at 9:00pm, I didn't even hear a peep!! Man, Santa has some MAJOR pull!! What about mommy?! LOL :D

Well, besides Santa being a big focus, I made sure to talk with the girls about the REAL reason we have Christmas. :) After all, the most important person to be thankful for is Jesus Christ!! :) We had fun on Christmas morning telling Jesus "Happy Birthday!"

Now that I am a mommy myself, I realize how precious life is. :) It is sad, but during the holidays I feel like I take more notice to how blessed I am. As I watched my kids opening their gifts and squealing with excitement, my mind drifted for a moment, and I thought "wow, I truly am SO BLESSED!"

Wow, time really does fly!

Okay, so today my little brother turned 18! I CANNOT believe it!!! I was twelve when he was born. So, I remember A LOT of him as a baby, a toddler, and an annoying little brother.. He was 7 yrs old when I got married and 11 yrs old when my oldest daughter was born.. I have literally watched him grow up. In many ways, I feel like a mother to him because I am so much older. I am protective of him, and I will do ANYTHING for him if he needs me. Today my baby brother, the same one that used to chase me around the house with a booger on his finger, turned 18 and became an "adult!" ;')

I am proud of the man he is becoming. I get to see a glimpse of the father he will be one day when I look at him with my kiddos. :) He is going to be a GREAT dad one day by the way! ;) I am happy for him, this birthday is a HUGE milestone in his life. For example, he can VOTE!! I know for him, this birthday is a little bittersweet..Our dad's birthday was 3 days ago. We used to always celebrate their birthdays together. So, I know that on this day he is probably a little sad. I think that all of us are a little sad today. There was a small sense of something missing for me today..My family still gathered, we had a birthday cake with candles for him to blow out, and we gathered around as my brother opened his presents.. Yet, something felt a miss...

My younger sister announced that she is expecting. :) This is such a wonderful thing. However, for a fleeting moment I thought, "man, I really wish dad were here right now.." He would have been so excited for her! I can just imagine that he would have hugged her, and with his voice cracking, he would have told her, "Congratulations!" We all would have given him a hard time for being so emotional and we probably would have laughed.. What I would give to hear his "kermit the frog" voice again. (My dad sounded like kermit the frog when he would speak while he was choking back tears) :') Even though he has been gone for 5 years now, his presence is still missed so much at times like these. My mom gave all 3 of us kids a few pictures of my dad blown up to 8X10 size..It was SO GOOD to get to look at his face..There are times when I think I have forgotten what he looked like, what his voice sounded like, or what it felt like to get a hug from him. However, when I get to look at old pictures it is like he has never left my heart..I have dreams sometimes where he will be talking to me and his voice seems so REAL, like I am listening to it not just imagining it.. I miss you so much daddy! I love you dearly! :')

To my sister: Congratulations! I know that Dad is so HAPPY for you and that he is sending you love from heaven. :) I truly believe that he will help to protect your little one just as he has protected, and continues to help protect, my kiddos. God will have his hedge of protection around you and your little bundle throughout your pregnancy and beyond. :)

So, on this day my brother turned 18..He is an adult in the eyes of the law..However, I think I will always look at him and see the little baby that my dad so proudly carried into the nursery, with his huge smile and his hand held up giving us a big thumbs up on the way in.. I love you little bro!

Wow, it has been a while!!!

I really need to stop letting so much time lapse between postings! :) Well, lets see.. since my last post I have been pretty busy.. I gave birth to my 3rd child, had about 12 weeks of maternity leave, went on a family vacation, got my oldest off to school again, and started back to work. Wow! That was about 3 months of my life squeezed into a few lines of text,lol!

My son is doing so wonderful..He is such a blessing to our family! ;') I love him more than I can express into words. It is truly an amazing thing, motherhood. It is hard to understand, but just when you think you could not possibly love another human being any more, you find out that you can. It is like my love multiplies everyday. I love all 3 of my kiddos so very much. :) I get teary thinking about it. I am starting to think that i am going to be like my father was, very emotional.:) That may not be such a bad thing though, at least my kids would know that I love them!:) My girls are adjusting very well to being "big sisters." They are pretty protective of him, especially my oldest. She is so gentle with him..I really see a nurturing side to her when it comes to her little brother.:) The middle one is so sweet with the baby too. She is only 3 1/2 yrs old, so she is not as nurturing. However, I do see a protective quality come out sometimes. She is definitely going to investigate when she hears her little brother crying! I have had to explain myself on more than one occasion. :D

I really admire stay at home moms..While on maternity leave I was alone with all three of the kids every day..let me tell you, it was NOT easy. I was so thankful for my husband during those days. Now, don't get me wrong I love my husband everyday. However, I came to appreciate him during my maternity leave. My husband was SO wonderful with helping around the house and taking care of the older two. I don't think that I told him enough.:) I found one thing to be my BIGGEST obstacle during my maternity leave..Keeping my house clean.. I found that I was picking up ALL THE TIME!! Then, I would turn around and the house looked as if I had done NOTHING!! There were days when I just gave up.. I also found that my patience was lacking during those days. I would constantly be losing my cool with the girls.. They probably thought their mommy had lost her marbles,lol! :D So, for all you stay at home mommies out there: Keep up the good work, you are LOVED and appreciated for all that you do, and Thank you! Just in case your husbands won't say it I did for them! :D

Anyone who has ever had a child can verify this with me..Man, how the body changes after carrying a child! For some women it is not that drastic, they are the lucky ones! After carrying 3 kids my body looks nothing like it used to! I feel like I have "curves" in places that were NEVER there when I was younger. These curves are not the type of curves one may desire on their body. I am truly in dire need of motivation to change my eating habits and work in some exercising..If anyone has some extra laying around please feel free to send it my way! :D

Well, I will hopefully be making more frequent posts and hopefully they will be more exciting! :D

Hello again!

Wow, I did not realize how much time has passed since my last post!! Well, with the holidays and work I have been pretty busy. I am sure many can relate to that, LOL!

News in my household, we are expecting our 3rd baby! :) My husband is hoping very much that it will be a boy this time.. we shall see! My girls are SUPER excited, it is very cute! They cannot decide if they would rather have a baby brother or sister. Well, at least my oldest can't decide. My youngest said she wants a sister! Wow, I cannot image what the decibel level would be with 3 girls in my house. I already feel my ears ringing some days! ;) Whatever the baby's gender turns out to be, the baby will be a blessing! My husband and I will be joyous to have a healthy baby!

I am curious.. how many mom's out there in "cyberspace" have days when they feel utterly inadequate and totally CRAZY!! I have been having a lot of those days lately. I am sure some of it is due to pregnancy hormones. However, I cannot help but wonder some days.. I worry about whether or not I am disciplining my girls appropriately. I wonder if I am showing enough love to BOTH of them. I wonder if they will remember those really "bad days" when mommy totally loses her temper and be traumatized in some way. I hope that one day my girls will be able to look back and laugh at how mommy's anger streak would shine through, but mostly I hope that they know I love them unconditionally. I want them to know that NO MATTER what they may do to anger me, no matter how mad I may get, I still LOVE them so very much!! ;') My heart grows every time they hug me, give me kisses, or just say "mommy, I love you." I hope I am not the only mom out there who has these thoughts, LOL! Something tells me that I am not alone in this!
Us modern day mother's who work and try to maintain a home and family are pulled in MANY different directions. Therefore, I can only imagine that there are many moms out there in my shoes! Don't get me wrong, I admire those stay-at-home moms! There job is NO EASY feat!! At least I do have some time away from my kids, and my hubby, to regain some sanity!!LOL! I would not change ANYTHING though, no matter how stressed I may get. I LOVE being a mommy!!

Thank you God for blessing my life with children!! I am so gracious for the opportunity to be in trusted with a little life!! Amen. Hopefully, with God's help and guidance, I will be able to raise them all in a way that is pleasing to my heavenly father above! After all, it is the least I can do! :)

The Tests of Motherhood. . .

Well, as many moms out there know, there are many perks to being a mom. However, I am here to say that there are also many tests, LOL!! They may be few and far between for some or a daily occurance for others. Whatever your current situation is, if you are a mom, you know what I am talking about.

Today started off as a day like any other. We woke up, had breakfast, I packed my 5yr old's lunch, then got my girls' clothes picked out. A little time passed in the events I just described, then we were running behind. This, I am learning, is a recipe for disaster!LOL!! (it wasn't funny at the time I assure you:)) Before I knew it I was rushing around like a whirlwind checking the time every few minutes. While dressing myself and brushing my teeth I heard my 5yr old picking on my 2yr old. Through the baby monitor, yes I still have one :), I heard them fighting and my 5yr old was screaming at my 2yr old. If you can only imagine the choas and crying I heard! My 2 yr old was pleading to leave the room and my 5yr old was telling the 2yr old to calm down, etc. The reason for this, I am sure, is because the 5yr old didn't want to get into trouble.. Well, she got EXACTLY what she did NOT want! I went marching into the room to find my 2yr old crying, since I heard the events that had transpired I went over to the instigator, the 5yr old. With a swift smack on the bum my morning turned into a cry fest! Mommy was now in "angry mommy" mode! Needless to say, from this point until I got the kids loaded in the car, mommy was NOT a happy camper, LOL!! Some evening privileges were taken away from the 5yr old in the process as punishment for fighting/bullying her younger sister. I dropped the 5yr old off at school, and all was well.. mommy solved the issues and handled the situation.. I was done, or so I thought!

I picked my 5yr old up from school this afternoon and she informed me that her teacher was mad at her. She preceded to tell me that she was stepping on her grapes. After some questioning on my part, I learned that my 5yr old was stomping on her grapes at lunch. When I asked the 5yr old why she was stomping on her grapes she informed me that they tasted "old and funny!" What?!?!?!? Do we, in our household, stomp on our food if we don't like it?? NOOOO!!! How and why do kids do the things they do?? I wonder what goes on in their little heads sometimes! As a mother it is embarrassing. I don't care who you are, as a mom nobody wants people to think you let your kids act like wild monkeys, LOL!! Just another day in the life of a mom I guess, LOL!! I am sure tomorrow this will seem trivial, at least I hope so, LOL!!

A message from Heaven

OK, this is fair warning.. This blog not meant to be funny. It is just me putting into words the feelings I am having today. So, bear with me. Some of you out there may be able to relate. :)

I have been thinking of my dad today. Tonight my family and I went to my mom's for "family night" and my mom brought up something that made me start to think about him. I think about him often during this time of year. It usually starts as the anniversary of his death approaches in September and continues until after the holidays. It is not as bad as it was the first year after he passed, but I have my days and today was one of them. I miss him so deeply. He knows how much I loved him and still do. Since his passing there have been so many questions that have crossed my mind. For example, did he know that I was with him as often as I was?, Was he upset when I left his bedside to allow him some time for peace and quiet?, and Does he know that I love him and regret not spending more time with him? Well, on a somewhat happier note, I think I got some answers today.

Though it came from an unlikely source it has provided some peace. My mom has several people she works with and she is close to one of the ladies. This lady came to her, some time this week, and told her that she wanted to talk to her about a dream she had. My mom of course allowed her to. In the dream my father was in the hospital room and we were all gathered around him crying. Among some of the people was this friend of my mother's (In real life she was not present most likely). Anyway, she said that my dad was trying to talk but none of us could hear or understand him, except for her. He knew this somehow, so he started telling her things to tell us. He was saying that he was very proud of all of his children, that he loved all of us, and that he could not understand why we were all upset. He informed her that he was in heaven now, he was happy, and that he was not in any pain anymore. He also told her to tell us not to cry because we will see him again one day.

I truly believe that this dream was given to this friend of my mother's as a message to us from my father. I think that it is strange how God works sometimes!! It is always so wonderful to see his hands move in people's lives. He knew that my dad's family needed this and provided it in a way that we would be receptive to. I said this was an unlikely source because this friend of my mother's had not been particularly close to my father in his life. However, God, and maybe my dad, knew that the message would get to the needed people through her. This provides comfort for me in some way because it does let me know that he is "okay." To know that he loves me is nice too.:) I guess it also lets me know that he knew we were all there for him during that time. Although I will still miss him greatly, I know without a shadow of a doubt that he is happy, healthy, pain free, and awaiting the time when we will see him again. I will get to hug him again one day! This is the beauty of "the good news" we all have though salvation. I hope that everyone reading this blog knows this truth. God loves us all so much that he sent Jesus, his son, to die for our sins! For those who believe, this is the good news! We are not kept from Heaven because of our sins, that slate is wiped clean when we give our whole heart to God! Once we accept Jesus into our hearts it is like all of that is washed away!! So, I am going to sleep tonight with a GREAT comfort in knowing that my daddy (God and my earthly father) are waiting on me and will greet me with open arms when I see them one day!!

I love you daddy, thank you for everything!